For many of us alcoholics, this is something that we have seen ravage others in our families, moms and dads, sisters and brothers, uncles and aunts, and it goes on.
This sickness is a monster in the lives of us alcoholics, and the monster never leaves, it stays with us always. We face our alcoholic selves every day, and so it will be until we die. Sober or drunk, the monster remains. We stand soberly at the gate, the monster behind the gate, waits, talks to us, seeks for any opportunity to trick us into that drink, so that it can regain control of us. Call it a disease, a sickness, a problem, a lack of discipline, a demon, a monster. The fact is, alcoholism lives within us, alcoholism was with our families long before us, and will be here long after us.
The path to staying on the right side of the gate, is perilous one. For many it has taken most of a lifetime to put that monster on the other side of the gate. We fight for control of our lives at this gate, because whoever is on the right side of the gate has control, and once you are on the wrong side of that gate, you may not be coming back. The monster seeks the control, and once gained, it works hard to maintain it by setting you on a path of destruction of those in your life, all things good around you, and it will make you suffer before letting you go through your own final destruction.
In our worse moments when you feel at your most sad, mad, depressed; the thoughts of drinking come.
This is the monster of alcoholism telling you that drinking won’t make things worse, but you know it will if you know the truth about alcohol, alcoholism, and yourself. It’s a lie. It is a lie meant to get the gate open.
In happy times the lie tells us that we can handle “just one”, another attack meant to gain a foothold. If we are honest with ourselves we know, “Just one” is never just one. It will lead to the desire for more. The addiction, the more I do it, the more I want to do it. And before you can gather your right mind to fight, you are already behind the gate. Now the monster is in control.
It is from this place many never return.
The right mind, is that we ought to want the best for ourselves, but a drunk does not care for themselves, it’s just what the monster wants, to see us suffer, before destroying us.
To face the monster is to face ourselves. Seek out, observe, forgive, and be honest with yourself. To be honest with yourself, accepting your worst, your best, and all in between; this is the beginning of being able to love yourself, let go of the attachments which keep you bound and live free.
